Don’t Forgive – At Your OWN Peril!

I wrote an earlier postcalled “Forgive or Not To Forgive? RETHINK!” which resulted in mixedreactions. Some thought it is almost impossible to forgive, especially if theperson has hurt you deeply. And others thought it is possible to forgive but can’t forget.
If you don’t forgive, whathappens?
You keep thinking:
‘I wish she hadn’t doneit.’
‘She was such a goodfriend, HOW could she even THINK of doing it!’  (But she did, right?)
‘I trusted him with mylife, and see what he did! I will NEVER forgive him.’
‘She ruined everything Ihad, how could I ever forgive her!’
‘He killed my ….. ‘
You can add as manythoughts/statements as you want here… I am sure you have better reasons thanthe ones I mentioned above for not forgiving someone…
So, now you have someoneyou deeply loved/respected/cared for etc… And he/she has hurt you badly.
Now what?
Even if you don’t forgive,does it matter to him/her?
Some of them don’t evenknow they have hurt you!
Do they care?
Apparently not.
(Only some of them mayhave come to you asking for forgiveness and you were KIND enough to forgive…But DIDN’T….Or did, but DIDNT forget!)
And yet, YOU are THINKINGabout the other person, WASTING your time/feelings/emotions/thoughts on someonewho is not worth thinking about! And in the process, you can not concentrate onyour own priorities. Your life. What IS working well for you. Happy things.Good friends. Family. Your self development, etc.
Instead, you keep thinkingwhy she did it. What made her do that. How could I get even. Or simply: ‘I willnever forgive you.’
All of the above only bogsyou down. Your mind, instead of paying attention to the good things happeningin your life, makes you think ONLY about this person and you FEEL that you havethe worst life in this world. And that ALL your friends/family/relatives haveALWAYS done this to you. And you can trust NO ONE…. etc. The more you think about it, the more paralyzed you feel in doing anything other than hurting your own self. 
I think you understand, right?
Another way to look at it would be: 
Imagine, you are in a race(isn’t life a race to most of us?), and you want to win it (you bet!). Butthere is only one change – YOU are carrying someone (preferably the person you should forgive) on your back andtrying to run as fast as you can to win the race. Since others don’t have any burden on them, they are happily running, whereas you….?
Lo and behold, YOU WINTHE RACE! Applause…..!
You didn’t?
Oh.. you can’t win thatrace if you have to carry someone around while the others are sprinting ontheir own on the way to success…!
My point exactly!
You can’t be free WITHOUTforgiving someone. It is in your own interest to forgive and forget. 
Forgive and forget & Be happy!
Dare to dream!
Shoot for the moon!
Nuruddin Abjani
Picture courtesy: Google Images

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  • “You can’t be free WITHOUT forgiving someone. It is in your own interest to forgive and forget.”
    Life follows tradition norms and we let it follow…… Alas! but true ….. there is need to bring a little change by realizing reality of surrounded People.
    An awesome reading …….
    Seriously, really confused that what to say …. because i found no words for your post. Will let you know, Why?
    Stay Blessed …

    Adnan Baig

    • Adnan, thanks for your comments. Yes, we are not free till we forgive.

      Do let me know why you are confused.

      God bless you, always.


  • Shazia Hamid

    Well this is one of the best recent reads ! I am truly touched and can relate well ! Could not agree more, however To get hold of ur mind an thoughts make it tiresome 🙂 thanks for a wonderful read. God bless

    • Thanks for the comments, Shazia. 
      Yes, its difficult to get hold of your mind but usually the heart is the culprit. 
      And, most of the time: Our ego!

      If one is able to shun it, its easier to forgive people, no matter how painful the hurt is. 

      Stay blessed. 


  • Giggles

    I agree, why carry that burden when the other person who has hurt you doesn’t even realize it?
    The best strategy is not to think about it.
    Sir i want to request you to write something on ‘Overthinking.’ Many people including me, have this disease to be cured.


    • Thanks for the comment, ‘Giggles’.
      Will try to write on “Overthinking’ soon…
      God bless you, always.


  • Anonymous

    I remember a workshop “Discover yourself” where the speaker particularly emphasized the very same fact that if you don’t forgive, you are carrying a burden.
    Forgiveness actually gives you freedom :0

    • Yes, Danial.
      Freedom from the past.
      Thanks for the comment.
      God bless you.

  • bader

    God Forgives. Right?
    Than who are "we" not to forgive ???


  • Nuruddin Abjani

    Thanks for your comments Wasif and Rozina.
    Wasif: I am sure if you are saying this is Hazrat Ali's quote, I believe you. However, I would rather remember this quote from Hazrat Ali:

    "Best deed of a man is to forgive & forget. Only he can forgive who has the power to punish. If you get an opportunity over your enemy, then in thankfulness to Allah, forgive him."

    Rozina Jee: No doubt, a very important point. I am also trying to make the same point: it all begins with your words. You could make someone feel on the top of the world or make them feel like a nobody, the choice is yours. The way you use your words will define how the other person feels.

    Thanks once again for your comments.

    Keep sharing, keep dreaming.

    Have a remarkable life.


  • Rozina Lalani

    They say, people can forget what u said, but people will never forget how you make them feel.

    How you will justify this?

    Dr Abjani,search your wisdom pearls:-)

  • Muhammad Wasif Javed

    Agreed with forgiving part but forgetting it is kind a impossible thing 🙂 as Hazrat ALI [Karam-al-ALLAH Wajho] Said, "Insaan Maa'f Tu Kar Deta Hai [Kar Sakta Hai] Laikin Apnay Sath Hone Wale Buray Salook [Bartao] Ko Bholta Nahi Hai" [Which Always Shout-out in Anger (Suddenly Bringing Past into Play During Fight]
    Translate of Saying: "People Can Forgive But Never Forget Manhandle"
    Thanks for sharing an awesome piece again to make [if we act] our life heaven in this world and other 🙂