1 September 2010 15 Comments

The Forgotten Art of Good Conversation

Who, in your mind, is the best conversationalist?
The person who people call the ‘Jaan’ (Life) of a group or party?
Someone who impresses you with his/her ‘gift of gab’? Personality? Style?
Cracks jokes that you have never heard before and can’t stop laughing hours afterwards?
Knows all the latest news (read: gossip!)?
Et al…You can add here more of these traits…

The above could be correct, provided you are looking at someone who you would like to have in a group or a party.

But, how do you connect with an individual? How do you have a real conversation? One-to-one?
So people remember you not for your style & personality but the substance.

Yes, I understand this has been bothering you for a while now, hence I thought it would be appropriate to talk about it now.

People usually ask me:
‘If I don’t have most of the qualities described above and can’t seem to open my mouth at the right time, or even when I try & say something, nothing ‘impressive’ comes out of it and I make a fool of myself.’

Is this your predicament as well?

Do YOU get bogged down by not being able to carry on a conversation? Or run out of interesting things to say?

Hmmm…

For a moment, imagine if YOU are the person you are planning to carry out a conversation with:

What is the most important subject to you?

Think..

The most important thing to you?
What would YOU rather talk about?
What is closest to your heart?

Your job?
Your boss? (lol!)
Your family?
Your country? (I wish!)
Your friends?
Your loved ones?
Your spouse, GF, BF?

Or YOU? YOURSELF?

Dale Carnegie said decades ago: The most beautiful word to someone’s ears is his own name!

Read his “How to Make Friends & Influence People.” It is still one of the best works ever published on everyday living & can make you wiser in days rather than waiting for a life time!
It is a must-read for every human being! Yes, thats correct! Anyone who wants to live and excel. I am sure you will be able to find a copy in an old book store for a pittance. Here is a summary, which might help: Best Summaries: How to Wind Friends & Influence People . A glimpse through this summary could give you life changing jewels, I promise you.

So, if the most important word to you is your own name then the same goes for the person that YOU are trying engage in a conversation as well. And if you really want to make a ‘good impression’ or make friends with this person then you can do these two simple things and (bingo!) you will make it:

1. Be genuinely interested in the person.
2. Talk less, listen more.

Ask questions that will tell you more about him/her. Dont try & think of what YOUR next sentence is going to be after he finishes the sentence.
Try and WAIT after he finishes a sentence. You would be surprised what is coming next. Only if we keep our mouths shut! The idea is to let the other person speak from their heart.
Listen earnestly and experience what a real conversation is all about.
(Most of us have almost forgotten about it. A valid reason could be since no one talks to ME like this, why should I! Valid reason? You sure?)

You might receive a comment at the end of the conversation that where you genuinely listened:

‘Wow, I really enjoyed our little chat!’
‘I thoroughly enjoyed your company!’
‘Time just flew!’
‘We must connect again!’

Try it, you won’t regret it.

(Btw: Did I mention not to use your cell phones/BB during a conversation?)

Dare to dream!

Follow your passion!

You only live once!

Nuruddin Abjani
www.powerofthought.org
Picture courtesy: www.sethmiller.org

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  • Asma Sethi

    Nice. Sharing it with my students.

    God bless you Sir : )

  • http://www.sahibkarimkhan.wordpress.com/ Sahib karim khan

    To the point yet covered the topic well :)

  • http://www.shafiqpenworks@blogspot.com shafiq ul hasan

    Sir,
    No wonder you can be an inspiration to countless individuals like me. You sure are gifted with expressing your thoughts in just the perfect manner. (MASHA ALLAH)
    Just a brief note..!! I have applied it… and It definitely worked in more than many ways.
    Thank you.

    • http://powerofthought.org Nuruddin Abjani

      Thanks for your kind words, Shafiq.

      I visited your blog and like it! Keep up the great work.

      God bless you, always.

      Nuruddin

  • Hadi

    In early seventies growing in Bangladesh, my Dad gave me Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends & influence people” and to reiterate your point from the book about more listening then talking, my dad would simply say “Beta (son) their is a reason why God gave us two ears and one mouth” to do twice more listening then talking.

    • powerofthought

      What a brilliant thought, Hadi. Thanks for your comments.
      God bless you, always.

  • Nuruddin Abjani

    Thanks for your kind comments.
    God bless you.

    Nuruddin

  • M.Abdullah Taqi

    It is really great

  • Nuruddin Abjani

    Thanks Bilal.
    God bless you.

    Nuruddin

  • Bilal

    Nicely said :)

  • Nuruddin Abjani

    Thanks.
    May God bless us all.
    Dare to dream.

  • Anonymous

    I like the point talk less and listen.Well said monsiur.

  • Salma

    …I dono Wat To say..i Knw U are not fishing for compliments here…but trust me You are truly blessed….u make people realize things which we dont even bother to notice!! Great Piece of thought! Im really thankful to u..for being a great source of inspiration!! N proud to have u as our Friend!!…God Bless n keep guiding us!!..

  • Nuruddin Abjani

    Thanks for the kind words. Yes, usually little things make the most difference.
    Have a remarkable life.

  • Anonymous

    WOW! You have really talked about some magical things that seem very minute but these definitely make a difference. People usually don't think about such things.

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The Forgotten Art of Good Conversation
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